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  I've lost count of how many times I've re-drafted this post,mentally,and in Reality.This was to be my swansong post for the past year.

But I'm definitely open to suggestions, & constructive critisisms, Afterall growth is not subjective to one parallel criteria.I believe in "KAIZEN"

By now, the readers reading this should already know what is an IRONMAN.
The IRONMAN is not a billionaire,playboy Marvel Superhero encased in a high -tech suit combatting enemies.But it's a superhuman feat combatting many other adversaries,the elements,the physical and our very own inner self. In my opinion, it's one of the pinnacles of human endurance. 

This Triathlon Event comprises of a  3.8km Swim, a 180km Bike and a 42.1km marathon Run all done back to back within a certain cutoff time(16hrs in my case)
Its not glamorous,It's not monetarily rewarding(*with exception of the Professionals),and It's not easy.
It consumes,everything which you have, physically, mentally, psychologically, financially,and most importantly,envelopes Your Time & and it's purely self satisfactory.
and it's Something which the common lazy, fast food generation of human beings would not understand, if you'd tried explaining to them.I've had many stare and gloat at me with "YOU IMBECCILE" smirks.
But it allows you to "LIVE",.... completely, and at the end of it all utterly gratefully, and as for HateClub...Yes their still fat, and Incessantly Fugly.
 
Your left with a deeper understanding of  what your body is capable of, what it needs to do in order to accomplish this, and what to do in order to segregate your life in order to achieve this.

Strangely Enough,training to be a triathlete would teach me several life lessons as well....But that's for another post.

My journey/IRON-DREAM or initiation began couple years back in 2008. I had no clue whatsoever about Drag,aerodynamics,Streamlining,nutritional intake & bodily response(which I still "suck" terribly at)and all other technical aspects of being a wannabe triathlete.I would go on to complete 3 biathlon and 3 Osim Sprint triathlons,2 O.D triathlons before the 4th Dec 2011,and all of em, rather disastrously prior to this.
I genuinely started from scratch & BELIEVEd the fun part was always "learning". 
So what do you do to train for an IRONMAN? I mean there are myriad of publications, books, etc.... all screaming for your attention. I read vociferously, and anything and everything...The saying "Dont' Sweat the small Stuff" Didn't exist for me.The knowledge gained I would then use to experiment on myself with my limited funding on what to do next,... it became like a trial and error episode for the initial 7 months after registering for my IRONMAN.

FASTFORWARD......to race day.....
Date: 4th Decemeber 2011
Time: approx 05:30am

I kissed my unbelievably supportive angelic Girl friend,while walking towards the swim start, ...
The Fog Horn went off, Helicopter blades above; triathletes hustling , jostling,my heart rate fluttering....I decided to keep calm and follow my easy 2 beat kick swim routine, which I imagined to have perfected over the span of all my swim training.
the first part of the swim became daunting...cause after the initial 20+ mins I looked up and realized I still haven't reached anywhere near the jetty which was a good 1.8km away from shore.as per my calculations I was supposed to be crossing the buoys at <40 mins so that I can manage to cross over the 200m and attempt a negative split. 

But father Poseidon didn't get the Memo on this day....huge swells for the initial 400m+ coupled with same paced bigger athletes meant that I couldn't swim towards/near the jetty pillars like what I initially planned. My goal changed from minimizing the distance to avoiding the abuse/slaps. The initial jostling subsided halfway along the first lap, and returned again at the crossing point. I checked my watch; 38mins at the turning point.I swam much slower, But I didn't wanna go anaerobic either....the 200m turning towards the return leg was hell unleashed... I got kicked slapped and slammed by rushing swimmers who all wanted to speed up for the "Home Run".
In the midst of chaos, I felt my swim cap sliding off, I wanted my swim cap for souvenir sake. So I Decided to stop for couple of mins,and catch my breath, readjust and gain back my perspective. I then realized that a huge part of the swimmers were all streamlined and speeding away.By the time I started out again, I knew I couldn't catch up with anyone for a sub 1hr 20 mins swim time which was my original target and one which I know is within my means from training.I touched sand @ 1hr 23 mins +/-....
Phew,....3.8KM SWIM. my longest ever open water swim.I was pretty stoked, and realized that I wasn't so jelly legged like how I normally am during the numerous no of Biathlon and sprint triathlon days. Ripped away my TYR wetsuit and was on autopilot , running along the grass lane towards T1(transition point 1).a bystander even said we're flying. [inner voice: laughing] I decided to take in some gatorade,a powerbar and a gel packet. I saw sanae,and paulina standing right smack infront of my bike stand cheering me on.I realized Paulina's race was over,she's given up and became a valuable supporter and bystander(she would pass me heat rub@ 20+km mark on the run leg, which was a lifesaver to myself and Jeffrey) Still,her courage for attempting this inhumane feat w/o any swim or bike training is insanely commendable.I sat down,straddled up, and know that among the 3 disciplines my bike leg was one which I was slightly confident,and perhaps my saving grace, judging by my training Log times, in which, I Did manage to clock in 5hrs 35mins for 176km.

But the BooBoo of riding w/o a speedOmeter and forgetting my Garmin wld come back to haunt,daunt, and inevitably become my Achilles Heel. The thing is, most of the time, I take in my energy Gel packets from looking at my Garmin and never really had any concrete plan on nutritional intake.I thought I'd dialled in. I was wrong.
On this day, 4th of december....this would prove to be my most precious lesson which I would bring home. at the 3 hr mark, I had surpassed the 90km mark slightly,Took a mental note that this prolly meant that I was on par for > 6hr Bike Split if I manage to keep it up. amidst headwinds which I never Came across my entire life whilst in training.They were brutal and merciless....however flat the terrain was,... the headwinds towards the Forrest would suck every lil energy off my pistons. having only my polar watch to gauge my timing and the Km marker boards at the water points I decided to play by ear, and go forth nonethless.......Moving forth, my stomach by now was bloated and the slight feeling of having GI(Gastrointestinal) troubles were looming large.The salty mouth feeling from the swim and the drier climate meant that I was sipping more fluids,and my bike bottles were isotonic mixes mind you...so my system was already in a state of flux from too much nutrient, or was it?
I was even beginning to doubt my training and that it wasnt sufficient enough...even though  run keeper data begs to differ by stating that I was averaging around 650+ km/per mth 3 mths leading up to the event. at the 4hr mark,on the bike leg,My exorcism began.
 I cramped up several times,....and prayed to the heavens above for me to just finish the Bike leg around 6hrs +/- ....I swallowed salt packets on the fly like an idiot, and my hip flexors,inner quads were tremendously tensed up, the pain was excruciating. It seemed to be climbing down to the archs of my Foot together with the back of my Neck While being in AERO position around the 165km-170km marker water point, I stopped for a refill and was cramped up so bad I could barely lift my right foot off the pedal, I fell down on the Forrest floor, thinking to myself what have I got myself into? both my legs were unbelievably cramped up, and I simply couldn't even move them an inch. I spent a good 5 mins lying down on the ground, while murmurs of Volunteer voices kept asking me "Do I wish to continue?", "Is there anything I NEED?" This moment ....I visualised to be the point Of No Return...the one which I've dreaded all along,dammit, I've had nightmares about this.
 This experience was what I wanted to feel, But I never knew it would take me down like this....I was close to tears....as I tried to move my toes.
I simply Couldn't, I lied down again & attempted to get back on my feet....some shaking, a lil massage, and half a banana later. I decided to screw my expectations on timings and other people's expectations on me being a "racehorse" and just wanted to complete This day, and get it done and over with.I attempted to get up... clipped on my Cleats.
I pedaled along painfully....I was barely pushing 25kph if my memory serves me right....I cramped up again several times, But somehow, managed to keep Em under control thinking that pushing myself now would severely dent my Running Legs for the marathon Leg. Nearing towards town, I saw the Watch and it showed 6 hrs 13 mins....I Heaved a sigh of disbelief, and just wanted to reach the DAMN transition Tentage for a heat Rub,or any form of massage, and a short rest. My Legs have taken the Ultimate beating by now... I vaguely remember pushing the bike towards my rack and walking all the way towards T2.(transition 2)there was a frenzy of activity, in the tentage. I couldn't remove my shoes,and a volunteer helped me, I then sat down from the chair and that was it......my legs were all cramped up again... and I was literally like a scalded prawn....the god awful feeling from the Forrest had returned again...and this time it wasn't letting up... a Volunteer kneeled by my side the entire time.. and attempted to talk to me. I felt my spirit vaporize and my physical body completely immobile and numbed. 

On this day, at this exact hour... I totally understood the meaning of "BEING HUMBLED". It's a single most extraordinary feeling of completely losing your ego.I was helpless... I was running my timer on my watch before falling down on the grass porch to Time my Transition and I couldn't care less about the numbers it was showing... Finally When I got up at about 20mins +... the Volunteer smiled and said,..."oh , well, you gotto get up sometime, so why not now?....That spurred me on.....

Final Run Leg:
I walked Gingerly towards the aid station and decided to Run a marathon...(wtf,was I thinking).This was to be my 3rd marathon....I had ran a 4hr 44mins maiden marathon and bettered it with a 3 hr 54 mins Sundown 6 mths later,so I know I simply can't adjust my run to slowdown <6:30pacing even if I tried....But on this day... I ran....S.L.O.W....it was again....unbelievable...all my gears were non existent, my neural synapses fried...and my first 10km loop lap time was 1hr 08 mins.......I originally wanted to run a 05:45-06:00 mins paced run.
Mwahahahaha......my inner voice was ROFL...and on the 12km mark... the infamous poltergeist like muscle spasms came back....This time round, they seemed to be concentrated on my Foot....cramping on the hamstrings and the quads I believe might even allow you to walk,...But the foot.......oh God.
ONCE AGAIN.. I had no choice but to squat down and by the time I was at the beach pavement track... I sat down the chair to look at countless no of able bodied and better prepared athletes whizzing past me...my spirits were diminished.
There was nothing I could do now But just sat & wait for the spasms and cramps to go away...I was contemplating and kept thinking of Not finishing...But all those slogans I read on the pavements and the spirits of the Volunteers and the residents whose smiles and Cheers were inspirational.
I walked....ran a tad...walked some more...I met many characters, some drunk, some motivational(e.g a 65 yr old Busselton Resident who was cheered along by his unbelievable wife) He was running slow,But steadily and I could sense that his entire body was completely fueled by LOVE.....from his wife, and by his numerous local supporters....he Brought a twinkle to my eye.

and then...........
Someone Somewhere heard my pleas,my prayers, and sent me a partner to suffer along with... By the time I Reached 23km...I met Jeffrey Yeo, a fellow triathlete whom I had chanced at the Airport while we were checking in.....it was his maiden IRONMAN too, and he too was accompanied by his super awesome and ultra accommodating G/F.we had a long long long conversation, in between him and me spurring each other to Run short bursts of 400m in between mini conversations of 'how grateful we are" and "how lucky we've been", etc...He was sharing with me his intended plan of finishing the marathon leg around sunset Time and proposing to his G/f with the "Run Lap Rubber Bands" and how his plans were fading away together with the last moments of remaining Light.
My immense pain and suffering and mental anguish were somehow manageable now, as I Decided I would accompany this man till the end, on his noble cause. I realized that all that walking and consumption of Marmite bread sandviches,watermelons,and occasional Gels @ the aid stations Had Somewhat actually returned my legs to a certain Run/jog level back to me.
I felt confident of jogging again.He was slightly slower than me, and since my legs were miraculously back to a slow jog condition,..... I spurred him on and for couple more hours, we cont'd this. . my marathon Time at 30km + milemarker as per my POLAR watch; was approx 5hrs +, I suddenly believed I could run a >6hr marathon , Perhaps.....But I didn't wanna leave this man.
This man was Godsent, he had propelled, slugged,and sub-consciousIy dragged my Thrashed body together with him, and I barely even knew him.Do angels really exist? Well, if they did,I now know they come in all shapes and sizes.

I would see several more fantastic characters on the run leg, and each with a differing story,slogans and motivational posters,banners, and such. a daddy and his baby daughter riding their tandem Bikes to accompany mommy who was on her Run Leg,an old Timer who was wearing a Tee which simply said,"PAIN IS TEMPORARY BUT THE MEMORY IS FOREVER"  and several other guys whom my limited memory now fails to recall.


But one man does stand out from the rest.....
I had recalled seeing a shirtless native American looking man at the Beach turnaround @ the 5km marker and I swear I thought I was hallucinating while I bid farewell to Jeffrey to continue my last 5 km ....because I Had seen him earlier on at the Forrest BIKE ROUTE, several hours earlier.
 I believe I saw him another 4 times by the time I was on my last Lap,and on the last lap of my home Run...while he was clapping for the remaining athletes, urging them on.

I ran near him & said to him:
" YOU DESERVE A MEDAL" [with tears welling up on my lids for which I Didn't have any explanation for]
he smiled and said, "NO, YOU DO". ......

The power of a selfless volunteer.
my emotions overcame all my pain.

I Finished the last KM literally Running at my optimum ironman Marathon Pace.  The euphoria of completion overcame my physical limitations,The mind is remarkable indeed.  I was on a "Pelican High",sooo stunned , stoked,elated that a volunteer accompanied me to the chair after I collected my medal just to make sure I was alrite. She was a very Cute elderly lady who only left me after Sanae had came back for me at the end. 

I would vomit 5 times by the night was over, and sleep and wake up the next day to walk without any amount of severe cramping, unlike the other marathons I've ran,which still bedazzles me till this day,I still don't have any clue on what really went wrong on my maiden IRONMAN Though.On paper, I was a sub 12hr IRONMAN, and even wrote down that, worse case scenario: I should still be able to complete this sub 13:30 comfortably. Oh...how wrong I was. 
However,... I can zoom in on bad nutritional planning,and lack of actual race simulation like prepz prior to the event, plus the fact that I've always been a fast twitch muscle fiber kindof guy meant I wasn't ready for ultra endurance events,....Yet.(Remember 70.3 champ Mirinda Carfrae's 3 year plan to get ready for a full Dist IRONMAN)

But I am happy to be given a chance to do this, and perhaps even inspire whoever who's reading this to just try to breath a lil harder, to push a lil bit more when your entire body and system is about to fail, and to just simply use what God has given us all... an able body and a Consciousness to rationally understand that the limits of our Human Spirit are far far bigger than what we've ESTIMATED it to be.

I couldn't have achieved any of this myself,even though TRIATHLON is an individual sport, nor without the tremendous amount of support,knowledge,and Tips graciously shared amongst my community of crazy triathlete friends. I'm actually grateful for even the stupid remarks/Slurring remarks,from some about a man of my color and my abilities.

Breaking stereotypes would be something which I will pledge my last dying breath in this lifetime, I understood that this has a Booster effect on me, at times too.

So, here we go...........here's my Race Report/Experience for the past year.

• 
   lacked a systematic approach to training/Race Simulation.
• my Gung-Ho method of attempting to do an Full Distance without  doing even a 70.3 Event(1/2 IRON MAN)is suicidal unless your in it just for the experience.But if your in it for Enjoyment, I BELIEVE there are way more other pursuits which are more pleasurable.I wld rather HIKE,or Surf.
• I forged IRON friendships and eliminated many redundant Leeches of my so called circle of friends.Negative Ppl are Leeches Yes. 
•  Manifested/Finally Found an amazing absolute Keeper of a Girlfriend/Future Partner from TRIATHLON.I striked off 90% from my list of what I wanted in a galfriend when I realised This. 
• Strength/Core Training is pivotal,improving close to an hour in Running within 6 mths with no coaching and no background in running is real proof.
• Being a Footballer all my life, finally understand that It takes years to adapt from fast twitch muscle fibers to slow twitch unlike what others say.There is no miracle Pill in any aspects of Life.
• Reducing weight is meaningless if power to weight ratio is not the end goal.
• High Fibre, moderate Carb diet works brilliantly for a mesomorph type body like mines,for the first time in my life I saw my 6 pack and wasn't in my 20s & Nvr had a P.T coach.YAY to that.
• each body is unique, and we must be lazer sharp in dialling in to our nutritional intake,failing to do so means "Peril".
• Adaptability is fundamentally important in THIS sport.In my case, it means not overrelying on any one gadget or particular novelty.Harness the Feel,for the ground,for our body,for our minds,etc....
• Spending $ on Massage is actually an investment.
  
  
  

 Finally, Much much thanks to Enrico,Jimmy,Ah Chai,Matthew,Dylan liang ,Clifford,Mano,Grace,Wilson,Charles,and my first triathlete Buddy "Desmond" for virtually taking care of everything I've overlooked and everyone else from my Triathlete Community whom I'd missed out on. 

In the midst of This personal quest, Perhaps I may have laid out the foundation on how to live my rest of my life.....
Though,I don't really know as of now whether I will sign up for another Full distance IRONMAN event,before tweaking/improving many other aspects of my Personal Life, But I do know this......that Life is worth living, and we can really achieve anything we want , if our motives are Right,and we give it our heart, mind and soul in a single minded FOCUS.    

At a time when everyone writes resolutions, To-Do Lists, Tangible and Intangible Wishlists, I Thot I shld just share something a bit more subtle,underrated and neverthless more bang for buck in the long Run. Afterall if Time is the most valuable commodity in our lifetime why let it pass u by in a whiff Ye?

 If we all pretty much have 24hours in a day, why sometimes we hear some ppl say 24 hrs is not enuff for them and why is it that someof us feel more accomplished, more driven, more "In The Zone" than the rest of us who're more often caught saying. Gosh, how time flies.....and very often feel like your time has just gone by and  that they have not accomplished anything? Now, dun get me wrong, I am not asking you to sit down and reminisce all abt the past and go all gooey and nostalgic over a few Pints/Cuppas. But rather ,just a recap of stuff we've actually Done.
I 'm not one to dwell on my own past, and definitely don't advocate that you do too...But  If we don't analyse what we've initiated, or began in the first place, how then can we evolve, improvise & ultimately better that Act. many ppl by now have understood, that Life is a learning journey, and one which deserves your utmost observation, effort,commitment. Be it in your pursuit of happiness, ur retreat of solace, or your enjoyment of Pleasure in all aspects(e.g: our family,our career, our hobbies,our aspirations,etc....)Hence, allow me to share with you an improvised/Summarised ,modified version of 3 articles I recently read while holidaying; written by 3 well meaning souls who're in the Biz of spiritual entrpreneurship & a Pragmatic Health Industry Blogger & a Vedhic astrologer. All of whom I admire undeniably nt for their Biz approach, But their essence in helping the fellow human.  

If the above applies to you, then One of  two things could be happening to you -- your a lateblooming, unFocused,unproductive, procrastinator or you have not acknowledged your accomplishments & hv lost your drive and Inner Mojo somewhere along the way, or worse case scenario u need a wake up call. 

On days when I am not using my time effectively, I find that time just speeds by and I know you feel the same about this. We all feel this way too, Especially "I". The trick is not to Jot a 'post-it" stating "NO MORE TIME WASTAGE" but rather to avoid/minimise these kind of days as much as possible. Here are some pointers to avoid wasting time:Sports Guru's often say break it down to small nibblets. 

Start the most important tasks to accomplish as early in the day as possible and geting them done before noon.as a Leisure triathlete I realised this is the most difficult to initiate,and pretty much, most closely inclined towards Pareto's Principle of 20% input and getting 80% output.Extra points if you like to hit the snooze button like me on most mornings.Ahem....
I find that I have more time than almost anyone else even though I May run a hectic work schedule on most days and On days when I squeeze in my mrng workouts(swim,bike,Run or weights) b4 brekkie and commuting to work.Aaaghhhhhh, the sense of accomplishment!

More often that not,we end up spending more time on something than it is necessary eg. if I need to be on my computer to send out a report 2 my client, I make sure I get it done without being distracted by other things on the computer or internet.When you're procrastinating & watching YouTube videos when you should be working, set a timer for 30 minutes and just start your work. For some reason, a countdown timer inspires action.(most smart phones have countdown Timers anyway) if and when your Feeling off your game or overwhelmed? Get back to the basics: stretch, drink water, make a list of all the shit you have to do, breathe.

PLS set up ur own schedules,Make it a habit to have a weekly time table & daily time table and  try followin them as closely as possible.There are times when things come up and I try not to let it bulldoze my plans for the days.And if it does, I make up for it the next day.

I do not like to hang around with time wasters.Time wasters do not see value in time and they can zap your time too.Eliminate ur Circle of useless Facebook/social media Friends,or those who're just there to make up the numbers or those whom u dun even make any form of contact over years.If there's nothing productive, avoid it. I also do not do long lunches if people are just sitting around gossiping unless if the occasion calls for it.we're actually the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with.This is also true for ppl who generally stereotype in our Sublimely Racist Suburban society.Not every indian nods the head while talking & smells like a construction worker.
Learn to Get around good people, or at least make an effort to spend time with ppl whom u value. if your stuck with someone who's demanding all of your time only for them to use u as a vent. Get a reality Check & do the right thing.

One of the MOST under-rated stuff in our urban lifestyle is long emails.This doesn't apply to ppl who can't articulate well in writing.(I really hope my superior don't reads this,Coz I dun understand his broken grammar at times. hahaha) But try not to read long emails or keep it for another time reading. I find that people who write you long emails may have a lot of time to do so, but it's pointless because if it is really important it can be discussed on the phone in less than 1/2 the time spent  to read emails + besides hearing a voice somehow always fosters human connection.I used to be a person who purposely avoids phone calls, Bt nowadays if I can't pick up the call, I make it an effort to "call back" at the least.I am still learning to change my own mind, we all shld too.

Now the other thing that most of us may have a tendency to do is not feel like we have accomplished much.Nobody has Gigabytes of memory space in our ever Loaded memories.Do we even understand what we really love or know them well enough? If Ur Truly interested in something, Learn about them.It pains me miserably, that a huge influx of ppl hv bought DSLR Cameras simply due to the massproduction/affordability and snapping pics in AUTO mode.(WTF!!!!) 
Know how to do the things your interested in.
In life, it's good to be a king in some aspects But a jack of all trades.Coz if your a programmer, your life don't revolves around "C++" for 24/7 hours.

If u like coffee, try to Make an amazing cup of coffee.I recently went Hiking to a Kopi Luwak plantation in bali and it was fascinating.if u adore certain cuisines,Try cooking your favorite meal. Learn the history of automobiles,motion pictures,sporting legends etc....
Learn why U2 kicks Ass in more than Ireland & hv More than a shopping mall to their name. 

And the first time I EVER started anything, I realized that I did more than I gave myself credit for. So getting down to a harsh reality Check here and then.It's great to Note down everything we have accomplished and eventually It'll feels so good to see the long list and knowing that we have used  our daily 24hrs time effectively & productively.I realised this when one of my old colleagues congratulated me on my B'day and applauded my IRONMAN accomplishment and made me realise that 3 yrs ago I was contemplating abt doing my maiden Marathon to him, who was already a seasoned Runner when I knew him.Now I get the drift abt jotting down our conquests & accomplishments somehwere tangible(PC's HDDs DO CRASH yer know)

On days I know I am inching towards wasting my time, I know my energy levels just gets depleted for doing nothing.I feel like an eclipsed zombie. But contrasting it to other days,  getting things done somehow seems to invigorate and energize us for the future when we spend our time well, or get things done and also have more energy to Domino Effect to do other things that is not necessarily  work related.A Smile is contagious, having energy Inspires Smiles all around.U get the drift.

Learn how to meditate.Eventually this will feel really tedious, ur time will feel frozen.and No, I am not asking you to do the sit down and breathe sort, But your own variation, for me Surfing,Running,Swimming,is a form of meditation. Recently my significant other was worried abt my solo holiday trip for 5 days while she was away on her biz trip & questioned my motives.My motive was quite simple, to be alone,To wander,To be lost w/o GPS in the Cliffs,Hone my Surfing ability and get lost on Dirt Roads on my rental Bike and to shoot scenic landscapes, To Eat local food, drink local beer, live minimally etc.....

I wanted to allow my mind to just go blank ,to re-assess my life & go ground zero.Having friends in differing timelines in their life and from various age groups I am blessed to see that they all have one similar thing in common. They have lost that which used to define them, coz their too busy doing the regular things they regularly do.Back Home, how many times are we guilty of wathing a show in the Theatres and going home totally forgetting the scenes or  worse still , completely even forget that we even watched that movie. What was going on there? were we not present? Nowadays, I dun mind watching an animated movie alone.Enjoy yourself. Get your balance Right.

many years ago, I Realized we can get an education anywhere.By Reading books, being inquisitive, Asking questions.if your span or circle of friends is huge enuff, it's better to be branded a moron in one group and be knowledgeable with the rest than shut up and pretend like you know evrything & be in the same mentality still. Get out of your comfort zone,coz once your in the new place, the time spent in achieving this wld mean something learnt, and that is worth our Borrowed Time on earth.

Another mostly overlooked point which I wanna add is that Life is about relationships.how we relate to money, how we relate our bodies to machines,how we relate to our families,etc......
I had an interesting conversation with a scotish Tourist who was also in the same state of mind as me, In the middle of contemplating a career change, we both unanimously agreed to the point that in a world where everythings a rat race, it boils down to the simple fact of "who u know,and how u relate to them which can eventually get you to where you wanna be" Hence shldn't we be more Concentrated in our efforts to communicate to the ppl we interact with.
My upbringing made me a shy introvert who was extremely bad at making eye contact with anyone, Occasionally I do catch myself still doing this,...But the most profound thing I realised is that to Boost any relationship boost: spend the first 15 seconds of meeting completely engrossed in the interaction. If ur g/f just walked in the front door? Put the phone down and give her your full attention for just 15 seconds. After that, let the interaction go where it wants to go. But at least she'll know you're aware of her presence.Eye Contact is Profound.When I was a junior dog handler @ SKC in my teens, Elite Dog handlers hv mesmerising Eye Contact with the animals which in turn garner Respect N Loyalty. If your single try it, if your attached Practice this.

I wish each and every one of you reading My Rant, an amazing Time ahead, coz afterall if you haven't already heard, - it's kind of a bummer.
The Mayan calendar ends on the Winter Solstice in 2012 (December 21st, 2012).
And it not only ends - supposedly it shows something ELSE ending at that time...
THE WORLD.
GULP.  

Many hv surmised the world will be hit by a meteor & knocked "off" it's axis, causing global tidal flooding,Others say 12-21-2012 will coincide with the height of Solar storms that will change the magnetic poles of the earth, causing the world to "tilt" unleashing that annoying global flooding problem again. So, since I'm not big on doomsday stuff, or how to build an ARK,& in case the world don't ends,creating a global shift in consciousness is for the better of all mankind.kekeke, But I do know how to surf

(MUawahahaha..evil laughter till fades)

I hope these tips will help you to 'slow down' time in 2012 and make us all more gratefull for the year which passed us instead of lookin at it all "DoomNGloom" Cringe.

One of the first steps to accomplishing great things in your life is to cease dwelling on the negative things in your past. Carefully assess your present strengths, successes, and achievements. Dwell on those positive events in your life, and quit limiting your potential by constantly thinking about what you have done poorly.

Alice and the Mad Hatter in Wonderland had a conversation that illustrates this concept: 

This is not an entry about life change, cancer removal, lunar eclipse witnessing, ephipany realisation, But rather as I would like to call it..... an observation ... after being still for a considerable amount of time.... and perhaps the only time,I ever managed to do so... about what I think of LOVE and my general rationalisation.

In my teens, I thought sex would solve everything, then slightly pre twenties, I thought having money and being in the right group would do the trick, then by late twenties following a brief period of uncertainty and pickin up the pieces I thought a career or a suitable mate would solve everything, and now at thirty imagine my surprise that I am as f**ked up as ever.

But seriously, the only solution was to stop looking for one.Perhaps, I hv mellowed or quite simply given up... But the more you seek , the more different aspects of yourself, others, and everything else from the garbage can gets to sneak out and sometimes they can get you when you least expect them.Even though most times you hide stuff simply coz you dun wanna remember them... But alas not everyone will allow you to move on even if sometimes you desperately try to.

wanting a life of fulfilment or meaning according to buddhism was and is, well within every commoner's grasp. But insisting on some benchmarked monolithic structured solution only got you so far....in other words. imagine having our lives as a multiple choice exam to which the answer key has been perversely withheld by external powers. (these powers can be your nxt door neighbour, your mother, men, money, ex-g/fs)and is not simply mistaken But presumably tragic.

Having the courage to choose fearlessly and having the wisdom to choose well are godsent.Now by no means do I want to perpetuate a blog about gender stereotypes either, Or end up reading some self loathing memoir years down. I am writing this down to denote, to comemorate an article I once wrote...."my great girlfriend hunt".(which I must add was cruelly wiped out together with my entire site under multiply's copyright regulations simply coz I wanted to share songs.)...oh well,.... bygones.

sadly ,...this is the end is the beginning is the end. a la matrix trilogy to cremate that search... which I once foolishly thought will eradicate all loneliness in the head above my neck. I was wrong...hv paid dividends many fold and dunno whether has it truly become a benign tumour.

I wish to initiate this short composition by talking about the mysteries of truly not being able to understand what woman really want?where I come from, woman were the nurturers of the world a source of enormous emotional strength. But their capacity for self nurture, and willingness to recieve from others, especially their inner circle is a questionable trait. again, I must stress that I am only speaking for the minority which I am priveleged to chance upon in this lifetime not everyone else.Truth is, after reading, experiencing , and listening ... woman need other woman for emotional sustenance, and the lucky few can derive it from their chosen men. Hence the world's perception that even if a woman does any wrong in any relationship no matter how big... the viewpoint is still inclined towards a tad bit male tarnish, I feel.afterall how can a nurturing woman be ever doing wrong. it's just not right isn't it?

and let's touch on gratitude,. gratitude is hardly the recommended emotional response from the women from my life. Certain researches have crystallized notions that gratitude is a key component of well being. ppl who lack the capacity for wateva reasons to feel thankful or blessed just suffer more anxiety and stress and enjoy lower vitality and optimism than the other population as a whole.Throw in various other fundamental flaws of judgement together with crippling fears and you have one deadly heady mix of a character. and to top it all up... some even go to the extent of being delusional that they were in fact right about some of their behaviourial traits...about their predisposed onset of feeling gratitude for having a partner who will do the simple things in life..... with the facebook craze.... yes they will "LIKE" stuff to diss their ex's openly... 

AMEN.

 anyone who accepts the gender stereotype that woman express more happiness but men expres more anger has obviously not had my karma to date. I do understand that men when they do express their anger, they do so in tangible dramatic ways, or in physical acts of aggression. But honestly, it's those which I haven't mentioned which are truly the deal breakers in my opinion, coz that eliminates the necessity to reason out a compromise let alone any. The mismatch between the belief and the behaviour is mostly comical, But tragically wrenching.

The Developemental stages of Love indicate 5 types of love as written by ryuho okawa in the 10 principles of universal wisdom.

• Instinctive Love
  
• Fundamental Love
• Spiritually Nurturing Love
• Forgiving Love
• Love Incarnate

I don't wish to rant on about each of  these archetypes: 

But predominantly I realised that why most relationships fail is coz they never go past the instinctive love phase, each one wants to be fullfilled by sucking the lifeblood of the other...in more ways than one both men and woman.

Each of the other LOVE archetypes mentioned are going one step higher and higher till they reach the love incarnate who are truly special beings, as laymen we can aspire to be at least one notch higher than where we start off from, and that's what I pray for one and all.

They say the heart breaks in a million pieces when it's ripped apart by any incident But what I never realised of late is that the heart being the most strongest and most muscular of all organs in our complex human body is capable of breaking into more than a million pieces especially when it's torn apart by the person whom it was given to. call it collateral damage. Damage for the trust you put upon, when you chose to give it to the person whom you had wanted it to be with for the rest of your life.This lessons I learnt together with the realisation that a male heart and female heart are quite simply differently engineered. True enough, the world always reads about woman and their heartbreak and how they got jilted by the male species and how their life tumbles and gets out of hand... etc....But truthfully it's statistically proven that woman do infact move on much quicker simply coz they allow their emotions to flow out.... thus initiating a thorough DETOX of all valid emotions of Prior LOVE.... 

Men on their other hand or at least those who did manage to truly fall in love.....hv that much of ego or the way their structured to hold back their tears and be valiant in the face of sheer loss, pain,heartbreak and that puncturing of wateva's left of their solemn life... and thus beautifully fit the notion of an infamous quote by Sayuri from "Memoirs of a Geisha":

I took a rather long walk back home this night from a wedding ceremony on this rather ominous day(sept 11 2010)....and I too shed my hopes with each falling tear....on the pavement till I cld walk no more coz my vision was too blurry from the tears which were piling up.....and my heart simply felt like it wanted to stop beating.

as I look upon the heavens...on a perfect starry night with a crescent moon adorning the night blanket,.....

I prayed ... for a  higher LOVE than what my selfish self had perceived, and for me to let go of control and finally end my desire to search,........the search for wanting to have a love to hold onto, to hug you when your lonely and to wipe away the grime when dirt hits your face,...that entry was called "my great galfriend hunt"

tonight on the other end,.. I will conclude that entry by quoting a line from sayuri which I mentioned earlier on from the movie  'memoirs of a geisha"

""The heart dies a slow death. Shedding each hope like leaves, until one day there are none. No hopes. Nothing remains.

yes,.......nothing really remains.